Is inauthenticity a word? Well it is now. I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with social media, and my social media relationships. I have 360 people on my friends list and until very recently I had a hard-fast rule against adding anyone to my page unless I’d had a real, meaningful conversation with them in real life at some point. During my pregnancy I became “friends” with a group of women who all were due in the same month as me, and I’ve added roughly 40 of them to my page since then. Keeping up with so many people is overwhelming at times. And it begs the question: how authentic are we actually being online?

With so many online friends to keep track of, are my real life relationships suffering? This conundrum of connections, is it really connecting us? Or is it putting space between us?

One of the reasons I have been reluctant to leave social media is because of the connections that I feel would be lost if I did. Facebook allows me to see into the lives of people from my past, watch what they are doing, where they are going and how their lives are changing. Without Facebook, I wouldn’t know that my childhood friend recently got married; I wouldn’t know that her sister recently had a baby and escaped an abusive relationship. Or would I? If I didn’t have Facebook, is it possible that she and I would have an actual relationship? Like the kind where we talk and share things with each other because we have a mutual respect and want to share our lives with one another? Maybe we would have kept up over email or phone, and maybe I would know more about her than the canned image she puts forth over social media. Trust me, I’m not knocking her, especially since I do the same damn thing.

Putting a filter on my real life.

I live in the Caribbean, I have a loving husband and a beautiful daughter. All of those things are true, and if you look at my page that is what you’ll see. Pictures of sunsets and swimming pools, my baby learning to crawl and places we go together. Those moments are REAL. But they are not the whole story. You would never see pictures of me when my daughter is driving me crazy because she has nursed 47 times in the last hour and I just want to not have her hanging off my boob. You would never see pictures of my dirty house, piles of laundry or dishes that I didn’t do last night because by 7 p.m. I was exhausted and it was all I could do to take a shower to wash the filth of the day off before I fell into bed for a few short hours. You would never know that six months after I gave birth to my amazing daughter I got hit so hard with Postpartum Depression that I wanted to die. You would never know how worthless I felt in that moment. The life I show to my 360 friends isn’t an accurate portrayal of my life. It’s fake, it is inauthentic.

I say that I stay on social media to keep in contact with people, but maybe without social media I would actually keep in contact with people. Perhaps the time I spend scrolling through my feed, looking at pictures and memes is better spent actually speaking with those I love and care about. I mean, I’m sure you’re all perfectly nice, but I don’t have time for 360 besties…does anyone?

Let’s say I spend 2 hours over the course of the day scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, looking at pictures of my friends, reading articles that people post or laughing at memes that they share – but in that time have I actually interacted with anyone? Sure, maybe I clicked “like” or left a quick comment on someone’s post, but in truth it’s not a real, solid connection.

So what if, instead – I used those two hours to call people (like on the phone…remember what that’s like?) and ask how they’re doing? Hearing their voice, and having an actual conversation…I think that is a more valuable connection than a thumbs up icon or witty comment. We would share more in that time with each other then just a few snapshots of our lives. We would talk about the good and the bad, get eachother’s opinions and advice, and it would be a more authentic, well rounded conversation, an actual relationship.

Social media has made it more convenient for us to connect with many people all at once, I’m not completely knocking the platform, I’m only saying that I believe it’s flawed. I think that instead of creating and fostering meaningful relationships, it does exactly the opposite.

Many people are left feeling lonely at the end of their newsfeed, and maybe it’s because they’re missing solid social interaction with real human beings.

You don’t have to give up your Facebook – but maybe tomorrow you should try logging out and getting someone on the phone instead…or better yet, take them out to lunch, look in their eyes and really connect.